Kylo Ren. Vito Corleone. Scar from the Lion King. Theon Greyjoy. Bill Buckner’s brother, Lenny Buckner. Those that can hurt us the most are often those in our own families. With the reboot of 2 Fascist 2 Furious taking America by storm, you might be surprised to find that the Alt-Right has already infiltrated many otherwise tolerant homes. Here is a helpful list of warning signs that your beloved Tucker is really a wolf in dogs’ clothing.
1. Sometimes when your dog coughs, it sounds suspiciously like “*cough!**COUGHWHITEPOWERCOUGH***!” even when she doesn’t have a cold.
2. She refers to your pet gerbils as “Goebbels”.
3. She condemns Frisbees “on many sides”.
4. She becomes agitated when you clean up her poop, claiming that you are destroying her “cultural heritage”.
5. The Tom Petty song “Refugee” visibly upsets her.
6. You catch her peering over your newborn’s crib while whispering “God hates Jews.”
7. She has, at one point or another, held a Cabinet position in the Trump White House.
We may never be able to eliminate the scourge of canine Nazism, but together we can rub their nose in it and call them a BAD DOG!