This week the Washington Post reported that Robert Mueller will convene a grand jury as part of his investigation into possible illegal activities between the Trump campaign and Russian operatives. Here’s a quick refresher on what a grand jury actually means.
1. A grand jury is the father of the father of a regular jury.
2. Every third Tuesday of the month is Opposite Day!
3. Mainly functions as a platform for the accused to practice pleading the fifth.
4. You should wait at least a half hour after eating before entering the jury pool.
5. The judge is naked under that robe and will flash anyone that refuses to say objections in a British accent.
6. All grand juries are legally required to subpoena Bill Clinton and reenact entire Lewinsky impeachment proceedings before investigating anything else.
7. A sequestered jury is a jury that has smallpox.
8. On your birthday you get to use the WiFi for free!
9. Each witness has their own walkup music.
10. Even more vital than actual justice is the appearance of justice.