Last night we bombed Syria. Well, “we” didn’t do it per se- a bunch of my friends and I didn’t personally launch an act of war on a sovereign nation. But the country that gets 20% of my income did! Welcome to 2017 America, where we care much more about an NFL star and his celebrity girlfriend.
Let me tell you why you’re the reason we can’t have nice things.
Aaron Rodgers sometimes gets the royal treatment from NFL analysts and commentators, but he also receives a fair share of batshit stupid criticism. It was just a few months ago that a BleacherReport smear job claimed that the Packers struggles could be blamed on Rodgers supposed lack of leadership. They even go into detail about his private relationships with his own family. Suddenly the Skip Baylesses of the world had HOT TAKES! And then the Packers started winning and we all went immediately back to verbally fellating him.
So now Rodgers has broken up with his girlfriend and that is somehow news. My Facebook feed has people claiming that Olivia Munn made Rodgers a worse quarterback. Let’s think about this, despite the inconvenient headache critical thinking leads to. This is a professional athlete. He has played on the biggest stage in sports and came out an MVP. If the Super Bowl doesn’t rattle him, I don’t think a little heartache is going to derail that title belt. You know what affects his play? A 300 pound lineman removing his throwing shoulder. You don’t achieve his level of success without being able to compartmentalize non-football things.
Sidenote: that is expert-level photobombing.
You can hate Rodgers all you want. You can root for his failure. But if you think that a breakup five months before the season starts is going to result in him slinging Favre-ian picks, you probably get your news from TMZ and Buzzfeed lists. You’re an idiot. Go on, say it out loud. “I’m an idiot”. Feels kind of liberating, doesn’t it?
For the record, Jessica Simpson broke Tony Romo.
I’m still having way too much fun with primitive video editing. There’s a YouTube channel now. Please have a gander: