Hey everyone, this week my uncle Bruce volunteered to write the post. He was kind enough to put together a blog entry in between innings at my cousin’s little league game. So here’s Uncle Bruce with his contribution for the topic of Nintendo. -M.S.
When I was a kid we didn’t have these fancy video games. The Owens kid down the block had an Atari but his nose never stopped running and he would always cry when you had to go home so nobody really wanted to play Atari THAT badly. We used to draw a Pong screen in the sand with sticks and then throw rocks at each other instead. Back then, there was no such thing as “concussions”. Sometimes you just got sleepy and had to walk it off. Makes you wonder how much-
HEY! GET ON THE BAG, KEVIN! KEEP YOUR HEAD ON A SWIVEL, YOU HAVE TO DIG DEEP AND WANT IT MORE THAN THE OTHER TEAM! KEVIN! DON’T LOOK AT ME, KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON THE GAME! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE PRACTICED THIS? THIS IS YOUR TIME! YOUR TIME!
Makes me sick. He’s got no drive, no competitive instinct. Just a waste of talent. I don’t have unreasonable expectations- it’s just that he’s already 8 years old and it’s time to start thinking about impressing scouts. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, just the fact that out of all the topics in the world, we’re talking about video games says a lot about how badly our priorities have slipped. Everybody wants a participation trophy or a gold star just for showing up. Makes me sick. Listen, buddy- the real world doesn’t work that way. There’s no prize for-
WHAT?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN “OUT?”!?!?!? HE WAS SAFE BY THREE FULL STEPS! WERE YOU EVEN WATCHING THE BASEPATHS, BLUE? THAT’S A TERRIBLE CALL! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BASEBALL GAME BEFORE? YOU LOOK LIKE A TUB OF JELLO IN A MICROWAVE, NO WONDER YOU CAN’T SEE PAST YOUR GREASY FLOP SWEAT! WHAT? NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! YOU ARE BLOWING THE ENTIRE GAME!
This is what happens when a whole culture decides it’s ok to sit around and play video games all day. You lose your ability to function in reality. And now what? Just “Sorry” and everything will be better? This isn’t teeball. This is the big time. Just unbelievable. Where do they even find these guys? Oh, for Christsake, now one of the Woodville parents is coming over here. For some reason people just feel the need to instigate when their kid is getting destroyed by mine. This is why I’m on probation in the first place.
Hey, fella, nobody likes a sore loser. Just go on back to your section of bleachers with the other losers. No, I will not “tone it down”. Just a game? JUST A GAME? I guess if my kid was as uncoordinated as yours I would try to tell myself that so I could sleep at night. Oh, a tough guy, huh? Well, Mr. Tough guy, maybe you could back those big tough words up with a-
AGHRHGHGHG!!! DID YOU JUST HIT ME? IS THAT BLOOD? OH MY GOD THAT HURTS, I THINK I LOST A TOOTH! WHAT KIND OF-
UGHGHGH HEY HEY HEY STOP IT! YOU’RE HURTING ME! PLEASE STOP KICKING MY RIBCAGE! WHAT? NO I AM NOT CRYING I JUST GOT SOME DIRT IN MY EYE! PLEASE STOP HURTING ME! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! OK OK UNCLE! UNCLE!
Wow, that was total bush league. If it had been a fair fight I would have had him with one swing. I gotta run home and get a change of clothes. Why is everyone clapping? I hope someday Kevin appreciates all of the sacrifices I make for him. Most kids would kill to have a dad so involved in their sporting events. Which doesn’t even factor in all of the hours upon hours put in while I was still allowed to coach. Ok can someone give him a ride home? Please don’t tell my wife I got beat up again.